A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
