I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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