Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Randomize
