dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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