i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
