I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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