the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
