I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
