this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I deserve this hangover.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
