I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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