WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
