i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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