Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
