A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
