At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
