he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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