Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
