Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
