He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
