official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
