perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
