The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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