im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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