Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My liver just broke up with me...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
