Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My vagina just recognized that song.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
