...so i touched it.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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