whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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