Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
