No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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