Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
