There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
