whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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