So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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