I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
