He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
