last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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