I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
pop tarts are not kleenex
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Drunk walkin through police station. America
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
