Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
