im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
