i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
