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I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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