A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I want to fling myself into the sun
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
