Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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