Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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