pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
