ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
