Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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