Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just blew my weed a kiss
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
