God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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