The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
