i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
