i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
