i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
