it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
