There was a lot of him and a little penis
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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