It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
