you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
