He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
