dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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