I don't remember. Are we still dating?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
