sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
