yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
