oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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